E.D. Updates

OK, so as you know, I'm out of treatment, away from friends and family (not my choice), and therefore, due to lack of support, free to sink to the depths of my eating disorders.  

After losing a bunch of weight while I was homeless, I'm back to being a fatty. I'm becoming more of a compulsive binge eater than anything else, which freaks me the fuck out.  Like, seriously.  I've never been in a position where I just could NOT physically purge after a binge.  That's where I am like all the time now.  

This morning I ate a pancakes with the old folks, then I snuck out to the convenience store and bought a dozen donuts and a bag of chocolate candies for way cheap and ate those, only to find that I was completely unable to puke.  So.. That's like 6,000 calories that I can't get rid of.  Yay. 

I could lie to myself and say I won't eat for the rest of the day, but I know I will, even though I literally just ate THREE days worth of food and it's not even 10am.  

I have to go to work, but I'll write more later.