Obesity, for real.

Well, there is is, all.  I've managed to gain 30 lbs in a month and I'm exactly 5 little pounds from being obese.  I don't even kno how the fuck this happened.  One minute, I was getting close to 135, my first goal, and the next second, I was over 160.  Like, it literally happened like that.  I am fat.  Seriously, clinically, diagnosably FAT.  I am always sweaty and out of breath, I am unfit, unhealthy, unloveable, unloved.  I don't even blame anyone.  Especially ppl here bc they actually saw me balloon up in a matter of DAYS, literally.  How gross it must have been!  It was def gross for me!!

I went to the dr on Friday bc I had a bad pain in my shin that wouldn't go away.  Of course, they check ur BP (160/99, high as fuck), they also did a cholesterol test for some reason (my bad cholesterol is super high), then they did height (5 fuckin' 3 bc I somehow shrunk two fucking inches, wtf????), and weight (164.5, FAT).  BMI 29.1 (for your info, obese starts at 30).

So the doc breaks out one of those height/weight charts and a BMI chart and shoves them in my face.  I'm like, ok.  And he shows me where I am on each chart.  Fat.  Obviously.  He goes into the risks of being overweight, 

Hypertension

Diabetes

Heart problems

Lung problems

Etc

Etc

And THEN, he points to where an obese person my height would be.  Slightly above me.  And goes into THOSE risks.  He looks at me like I'm some kind of wounded animal; sad, sorry, and yet disgusted.  He is, of course, about 5'10 and 180 lbs of muscle and lean.  Probably never struggled with weight a day in his goddamn life.  

So I tell him I used to be half of what I weigh and two inches taller.  Idk why.  It kinda came out.  And he says, you need to find a happy medium.  No shit.  Fuck you.  

He offered to set me up with a counselor and a nutritionist but fuck no, I have no insurance and I can't afford that!! I can't even afford that appointment I went to but I ended up having to go bc the pain was so bad.  So he gave me a stupid food pyramid and some guidelines for eating for healthy weight loss and a pamphlet about good self-talk for positivity.  

Fuuuuuck.

Oh. And it turns out, my shins are just suffering bc I'm a fat load and there's too much weight on them. FML.