I'm leaving for a while.

I'm going away.  To treatment.  It's not my choice.  

My mom, who I been living for past couple months, made me promise I'd get well in order to live with her.  Obviously, I didn't, wasn't trying, was b/p multiple times daily, etc.  I got away with it for a while, but she caught purging.  She won a court order to be control of my medical life and is sending me to treatment at Timberline Knolls.  I have no choice.  I have to go.  

I leave tomorrow.  

I have no idea when I'll be back or if I'll be back or what.  So I just wanted to say goodbye.  :( 

What am I even doing here on earth anymore I want to die.

BINGE BINGE PURGE PURGE

Yeah so this is happening rn.  Big, fat, fucking binge/purge sesh. It includes:

Six golden Oreos, double stuffed

Two petit fours (lemon cake and red velvet cake)

Two nutty bars

Two peanut granola bars 

One sugar cookie

One chocolate chip cookie

Two of meal cookies

Six mini donuts

Three peanut butter cups

One Reese's fastbreak 

One inch slice of pumpkin roll

One mini cupcake, chocolate 

One mini cupcake, vanilla 

And gum for after I purge.

Yay, for ringing in 2015 as a full fledged bulimic!  Not as good as an anorexic, but better than a binge eater.  Mediocrity.  That's how I live my life. 

Here's to 2015.  Hoping it's not as super shirty as 2014, but thinking it will probably be worse! 

NYR: to lose 100 lbs, get to UGW, never be fat again.